You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
