i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
