I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
