guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
