Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
