guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
