My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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