she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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