i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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