Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
