I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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