So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
