Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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