It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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