We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
