Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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