His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
