and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
