Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
