My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
