If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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