his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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