Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
