Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
high people should be assigned attendants
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
