sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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