I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
