are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
