I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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