Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
