Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
