"it" just moved
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
