Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
