this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize