Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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