The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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