So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I could make wine with my vomit
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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