Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
