You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
