sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Church boner. Awkwardddd
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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