He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
