well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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