there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
