I look better un-naked...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
