I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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