im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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