so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Drunk is a universal language darling
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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