Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Semen is not good for contacts.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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