I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
