i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
