I think my vagina is haunted
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
