Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I can feel your judgement through the phone
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
