new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
