you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
