and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
