he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
