i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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