false alarm. still invincible.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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